I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
