I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
