you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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