There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
