I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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