She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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