after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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