Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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