Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
