I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
