If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
