How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
