I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
