You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
