mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
