After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
