my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize