maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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