We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
