so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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