youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
