it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
