dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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