the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
