I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
