just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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