New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
