You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize