Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
