Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize