omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
