you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
