look no pants
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Randomize
