winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
