We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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