I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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