just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
