What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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