I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
only if we run a train.
done.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
