So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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