Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
