Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
