stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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