I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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