hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
