I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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