its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
