I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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