wrigley field is MILF paradise
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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