You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
