Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
