its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
