She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
