So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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