Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
