i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
