we're blogging at a bar
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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