conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize