Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
