I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
