So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
just tell him i said nine months
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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