I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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