Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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