so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
