But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
