Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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