Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
