you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
