sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Fuck appropriateness.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
