I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
