just survived the first fart of the relationship.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
