he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
