Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
