i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
