I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
