Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
