I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize