WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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