It's a beautiful day for a hangover
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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