It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
