The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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