Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
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