I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
